Reading the Times in California

In which I read the New York Times by myself on the west coast, and react to the news.

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Location: San Francisco, California, United States

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Das Keyboard

Oh my god: they make no bones about being übergeeky, here.

In short, it's a keyboard with no markings on it, claiming it'll speed up your typing by not having the option to look at the letters. I can totally substantiate this, and I've already done so. Having switched to Dvorak, people said my speed would improve. It didn't -- here's my theory as to why:

  1. People who type a lot -- and by a lot, I mean the upper echelon of typers -- are likely to be geeks. Geeks as a whole type way more than the population at large, who use computers for sporadic email and word processing, but do not code up pages upon pages of TeX documents about obscure keyboard layouts just for the hell of it.
  2. Geeks, therefore, are more likely to develop wrist problems than other people.

  3. Being resourceful like that, geeks will look for a tech-y solution, and will find rumors of Dvorak.

  4. Those intrepid enough to try the switch will be forced to learn to type (a) with the correct fingers, and (b) without looking at the keys.

  5. Now, geeks are also the type to never have learned to ``touch-type'' in the first place. Given a manual, the geeks will take it as a challenge, and disregard it for as long as possible, trying to figure out how to work their new toys by themselves. This is why they break so much shit, and also why they end up knowing how to fix it all. Many geeks I know taught themselves to type by putting their fingers somewhere on the keyboard and moving them as little as possible to get the job done, but without much thought as to correct position, wrist angle, &c. (this is probably why so many of them developed tendonitis or carpal tunnel in the first place!). I can't tell you how many three- or four-fingered geek typists I know.

  6. In learning Dvorak, as mentioned above, these same geeks will have to learn to touch-type, unless they intend to relabel not only their keyboard, but the keyboards of everybody on whose computer they'll ever need to type. So, this will be the first time in their lives said geeks will ever learn to type both (a) with the correct fingers, and (b) without looking at the keys.

  7. It is precisely that touch-typing which brings about speed.

I learned to touch-type QWERTY when I was six years old with Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. Because of that, I learned to type really fast from the outset, so I could do all my friends' typing assignments for them in school and then play QBasic Gorillas with them all class period long.

Touch-typing was not new for me when I got to Dvorak, so my speed did not increase. It did not decrease, either, but it led me to believe the speed thing is a myth.

Similarly, typing without looking will force you to touch-type. It's cool and geeky (and therefore I want one), but won't increase my speed.

I should just take some whiteout to my M$ Natural ...

Monday, May 23, 2005

Things I Will Never Understand

Not that I understand clubs to begin with. Not that I'd probably ever be caught at an event that offered mango caipirinhas and capoeira dancers (but that does sound cool) ... oh wait, except for that super-wack Red Bull party I went to at the Seaport Museum in Philly last year. But never mind that.

But club-like parties -- with oxygen bars -- to sell condos?! Something is totally wack in the state of Miami.

The theme was "A Day in the Life of Aqua [the condo complex]." Dancers in fringed shorts coaxed some guests to salsa to a 10-piece band while other guests hovered around giant pans of paella and ropa vieja. A lounge singer belted out "Respect" in a model living room while chefs whipped up crepes in the model kitchen. Near a newly planted mango grove, guests drank mango caipirinhas and gazed at the Intracoastal Waterway.

Ooh ... I could go for that "whipping up crepes in the model kitchen" part. Heh.

Seriously, though. To so blatantly play on people's need for image, social acceptance, and conformity ("Live with us, the parties say, and ooze wealth, sex, fitness and mystery") is just kind of amazing. Then again, I'm amazed whenever I happen to see a TV ad, and slinky women selling ice cream just by licking a spoon seem to have an effect, too.

Okay, so I'm out of touch with the mainstream. I'm still shocked this kind of shit works.